How to succesfully irritate an editor

Warning: Just one and certainly all of these points combined are 100% guaranteed to work (and if they don’t you’re dealing with an alien editor from another planet with infinite patience, or, stupidity).

1 – Ignore most if not all of the initial extensive submission guidelines they had to create because of idiots like you.

2 – Harass the editor using all means available to you (online and offline) until they read your submission.

3 – Make sure your submission is as unreadable as possible; e.g. highly ‘experimental’, raw, un-proofed, not thought out at all, or clearly apparent you wrote it down only once while in a hurry, high, drunk, or perhaps even unconscious.

4 – Quit your day job as soon as you have your very first acceptance, so you’ll have plenty of time to harangue or abuse your editor all day long. After all, writers make lots of money, and you should have servants rolling up wheelbarrows full of cash before you know it. (point 4 by Paul Riddell)

5 – Do disregard any edits and suggestions made to your submission and give long-winded justifications as to why, because you and your editor know very well every word you typed is pure gold and could not be improved upon, ever.

6 – If by some miracle your editor takes pity on you, and thinks despite all of the above you might have talent, make sure to then attack and insult them personally until you achieve rejection.

7 – Repeat all of the above ad infinitum, with each and every editor, and moan loudly and publicly about how all editors are, Evil!

8 – (To now successfully irritate yourself once you have exhausted all the editors in the world…) Self-publish your work as is (per 3) and stay unemployed so as to await the river of cash that is sure to be cascading your way shortly; even though you have only published it on createspace/smashwords/lulu/etc. and done nothing else.