In South Africa, the weekend of the 7th and 8th was the last possible time for many of us to register to vote. Not so out of South Africa. According to a high court ruling on Monday, it is unconstitutional for the Independent Electoral Commission not to allow expatriates to vote. The application was brought on behalf of a South African expatriate by the Freedom Front Plus so one hopes that chap at least votes for the party that fought for his right to vote if the Constitutional Court upholds the ruling.
Me? I am in disagreement with the High Court on this one. If expatriates want to vote in this country, they should stay here. I mean, shouldn’t the ability to vote be the right of taxpayers? What temptations can the Homecoming Revolution now give people to return back home? ‘Please come back home and if you are black you may be stopped by the cops and asked for your passport because you are too dark to be South African and if you are white and want to set up a business you’ll have to partner up with your semi-illiterate gardener to be BEE compliant?’ Come on. Expats are getting the pounds, US, Canadian and Australian dollars.
Those of us who are here by choice (or because our three months bank statements don’t allow us to go anywhere that requires visas) should have at least one advantage over those who choose not to be here. I mean, what do those expatriates who agree with the application think this is? America? We are in Africa. It’s good enough that they are allowed to have dual citizenship. As a counter-measure, I am considering bringing in an application to allow the rest of sub-Saharan Africa to vote in South African elections. Because at least with the rest of the continent, we know that our economy and our government will affect them more directly than people in Europe, Americas or Australia, be they South African or not (incidentally does that mean the Afrikaans community in Argentina will also be allowed to vote?).
But who should be allowed to vote in our elections is not the point of today’s rant. Today, I have decided not to even rant. I am just notifying all political parties that I registered to vote this weekend. OK I was already registered but I had to reregister because I moved house and I did not want to get into a situation where some electoral official tells me that I can’t vote behind my house and have to travel 20 kilometres away.
Not in South Africa? *&^%, it has happened elsewhere on this continent and I am not taking chances. I am not taking chances this year because it looks like the elections that may or may not be held on the 22nd of April (depending on the Constitutional Court ruling on the case mentioned above) will be the most momentous since 1994. Sure there is no National Party, new or old, but there is an African National Congress which is riled about IFP, about COPE, about conspiracies by comrades, about counter-revolutionary judges and a few other things you can think of. It should be fun. Again the fun has already started. The rest of the continent with DSTV just has to check out the election debates on SABC2 on Sunday nights at 9 pm to know how much fun.
But back to me. Today, I am making a notification to all political parties who have been canvassing and knocking on my gate, and those who are sending me SMSs and emails on how they can earn my vote. Forget what I said last year about needing to see their artist manifesto. It may be too much work for you and this year, I am going capitalist. I have told the ANC guys who asked me to vote for them this weekend, I have emailed the COPE folks who emailed me an invite to some function of theirs, and I would have SMSd DA back when they sent me a message reminding me to go and register and ‘Vote DA’ but their SMS came from one of those lengthy-computer generated numbers you cannot respond to. What am I telling (or would like to tell all of them)?
I am saying that my vote is expensive in this capitalist country.
I am saying it’s no longer about what you can do for me in the next five years but what you can do for me now, pre-elections. No. I don’t want money or a house or a car. I just want the parties to enable me to get these things. So here’s how they can do that.
All parties are talking about the need for increasing literacy but none are showing it. So here is the thing. The party that can buy copies of any South African writer equivalent to 50 percent will get not just my vote but my endorsement. Words are powerful, writers ultra powerful pre-election, you don’t want to miss this and it will serve to make at least fifty percent of your party members acquainted with South African literature.
Below is a list of authors that political parties may not know but that they can look for, google online, and purchase from Kalahari.net, booksa or Exclusive Books:
Angela Makholwa, Angelina Sithebe, Jo-Ann Richards, Imraan Coovadia, Siphiwo Mahala, Maxine Case, Futhi Ntshingila, Melinda Ferguson, Napo Masheane, Ndumiso Ngcobo, Lebo Mashile, John van der Ruit, Niq Mhlongo, Ronnie Govender, Mandla Langa, Eric Miyeni, Rayda Jacobs, Phillipa Yaa de Villiers, Sindiwe Magona, Charles Cilliers and Ndumiso Ngcobo (these two should be absolutely read together. The former’s For Whites Only and the latter’s Some of my Best Friends are Whites are a must for any rally package), Kgebetli Moetli, Bridgette MacNulty, Kopano Matlwa, Mary Watson, Achmat Dangor, Fred Khumalo, Zapiro (for all political parties with an ability to laugh at themselves which should really mean all of you) Ceridwen Dovey, Sihle Khumalo, Bongani Madondo, Henrietta Rose-Innes and of course, Zukiswa Wanner.
NB to Political Parties
*An alternative to the 50 percent of one author could be five percent of each of the above ensuring endorsement from more voices.
*J.M Coetzee does not count on the above list (he is a powerful and well-known writer but he doesn’t stay here).
NB to South African writers
*If your name does not feature above you probably have not written in English, I have not read your book, or you have not found it worthwhile to bribe me. Please put a comment after this and let the world know your name, the title of your book, and where it can be bought.
* If on the other hand you have been (or are) a poet laureate or your name is Dennis Brutus, James Matthews, Andre Brink, Nadine Gordimer, Mafika Gwala, Christopher Hope or Antjie Krog, or anyone born before the 60s, I just assumed all political parties know you right there with the flag and …well okay, may be not all words in the national anthem.
* I have deliberately left out political biographers, for the simple reason that political parties have probably bought your book if they think it will give them ammunition against the opposition or help them defend their candidate.
